My vapourous mistyness finally catches me in it`s poisonous vapour..

I`m becoming less defined as days go by...
Fading away, well you might say I'm losing focus...
Kind of drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself...
(TR-NIN)

Hello people and or humans...
Ooh, ok, I wanna just get right into it... So I will.
I am feeling full of aggressive energy and I don't know where to take it. I don't know where to put it. I have now available to me some new artistic means, and I know I will be ok there. But I have this need.............................................
I am always afraid to be so bold, so brusque, so animal, yet I SO WANNA not be stopped from it. And so YET, I keep myself captive from never saying what IT IS. Captive and kept from the sweet release of just saying without doubt; and holding hands with all glorious impulse in honesty. OF just getting it out.
I am so full of fear in having a voice because I have been kept down forever. Now there is no one holding their cruel hand over my mouth; no evil boot on my throat, and in my apparent freedom, I am finding myself without voice. Without words for fear of dismissive judgment. the only thing I can relate this to at the moment, and its strange that i do, is this- its like i am coming out of a closet. But I'm not. I am not gay. I think I only liken it to thus is because of the immense fear of other in the personal and vulnerable face of personal truth. This is who I am, and I am no longer afraid of it. After living so many years of torment and abuse, I am still finding my voice quite silent, even though Ive been freed for quite some time...

I find these websites and pour some of myself into them, but then dry up when I most want to spill. I am becoming diluted and deluded. My flow isn't enough to keep anyone interested either. So I fight then my brave fight in keeping my veins from collapsing and open yet another tributary, all the while weaving words and directions, yet never ever showing the picture in its entirety. I think I just maybe don't know how. :(

p.s. i love you autosave. :)
My word of the day: Anisotropy
(whether in chemistry, physics, or other...)