Fuck.

Now ive gone and done it. ive created this responsibility. with the whole fucking world now, all at once, and all i ever meant to do was just see. just peek and see.
oh, ive started this now, havent i?? yep. just gone and did it, didnt cha? fuck.
and i did it with out thinking, the way i wanted to. if i had known what huge step i was about to take as found this place, and clicked those buttons, i wouldve stopped. ( i know the way i am with you. but i longed for the other. this isnt what my writing is. this is some twisted ache of it, frustrated and stuck. YAY! Great.) (and i will stick periods around parentheses where ever i want.).
everytime i write right here, it turns into this big fucking ordeal. like i cant get to the point.
Oh, Ive done it now., and now i have this responsibility to uphold. dont i?
this is mine. and i didnt know what i was getting into. oh this has to stop. the evil force that makes me explain all my actions. and reactions. has to go. oh, i must exorcise some beast or other. fine.
sigh.
if this is the only way i can do this, lets just fucking do this already.



the only way i can be here is fully. the only way i can do this is to stop feeling like im pouring this into ears, splashing this into eyes. so i will. fine.
the other only way i can be here is to speak the truth. (it is sure to fail if i dont. and im tired of things becoming doomed into nonexistance.) ok. and this is the hard one, comes with alot of raggedy baggage. and i dont like whats inside. and i suppose ill look anyway, later.
Truth. fine then. god. sigh. fine.
i dont even know what to say about it. here i am, trying to get my ideas down and there are too many thoughts distracting me. it exhausts my fire, a little... just do it.